Are you related to Ann Carroll Purdom who lives in Texas? If so, then we are related and Paul Oskar Rudolph Oehlke and Maria Leader are your great-great-grandparents. (They are my great-grandparents.)
A note on the Leaders: Elizabeth Gray was born in Canada (the Province of Upper Canada as it was then called) apparently at Prescott, which is in present day Ontario Province. She appears to have been born in 1810 or 1811. I found a note in family files that stated her mother was one Amelia Anderson. Elizabeth Gray stated in Canada Census 0f 1891 that her father was Scottish, in the 1901 Census she stated he was from England. She also claimed in the 1901 Census that she could read and write, but she could not. Her first husband was a British soldier, one Private David Gowan. They lived at Fort Wellington at Prescott and later at the Blockhouse near Oxford Mills. They had two children (David and Susan). Her second husband was Joseph Adcock, a cooper by trade, and there were a number of children. I have the banns of their marriage at Oxford Mills in 1842. Note that she and Joseph Adcock were both illiterate, they signed over the notation for their marks with an X. They were married in the Anglican Church. George Leader was her third husband, he appears to have been a labourer, from which union Maria leader was born in 1860. None of these husbands appear to have deserted her, they all seem to have predeceased her.
I have discovered Paul and Maria's marriage records here in Kingston.
Well, I have not been on this system for awhile. I am still in the Canadian Regular Army. At the time you posted your queries in Feb 2004, I had deployed out of the country on active service and have not dealt much with Oehlke-Leader geneology since.
I have visited the birthplace of Paul Oehlke in Poland, in his time it was known as Tippeln in East Prussia. If you write to me on email I can send you photos, it is a ruin but must have been impressive in its day.
Since I saw where the Oehlkes came from and discussed their probable way of life with German Army colleagues I feel that I have the answers I need on that line and so I have concentrated on my mother's family. The Polish RC Priest in the village told me that the Russians burned the parish registers and all of the municipal records in 1945 and had expelled all Germans by 1947. So again, we come to a blind alley.
There were myths and legends about the Grays/Leaders being United Empire Loyalists. As colourful as such family legends are, I have been unable to confirm or deny this. George Leader was born in Canada but his parents were said to be English. This could be by ancestry or by birth as the early census was not very precise. Elizabeth Gray was definitely born in Canada, but I have no sound information on her parents.
As for the Leaders, I came to a blank wall on my research into them as they pertain to us three generations back. As for the present generation of Leaders, they are numerous in Kingston but I do not really know any of them.
I hope that you will see this and write to me.