Will children be visiting the cemetery with you as you research? It doesn't have to be a nightmare. There are several ways to possibly occupy children's time while you are looking for stones and copying down information. Some children may be willing and able to assist you in your search. Others may not be. Still others are more likely to "tolerate" such activities if there is something for them to do. Idle time leads to boredom, and most parents know where boredom tends to lead.

The following activities are not meant to be comprehensive. Rather, they are intended to provide you with some activity ideas. Keep in mind the age-appropriateness of the activity in addition to the child's developmental level. Making the cemetery a "family" event is good in and of itself, but it may also make family members more likely to support visits to other cemeteries. However, there's no need to discuss your hidden agenda.

Have a Picnic
While it might seem unusual, a cemetery can be a nice place to have a picnic. I've eaten in several cemeteries. The main drawback is that there are few tables and no bathrooms. The advantage is that it's not likely to be crowded.

Search for Shared Names
Children can search for stones that have their own first name or their last name.

Do the Math
Have your child determine the ages of various individuals buried in the cemetery. For children whose math skills are really good (perhaps even better than their parents or grandparents), calculation of birth dates from death and ages may be possible, or at least a way to occupy time until Mom or Dad finishes looking for stones.

Rub the Stones
While you probably will want to do rubbings of your ancestral stones yourself, children can make rubbings of newer stones, perhaps ones that have engraved images. They can even spend time looking for an appropriate image to rub. Make certain the stone is steady and not in danger of toppling over. Younger children will have an easier time with newer stones. Crayons and heavy paper should be sufficient for this project, although children could experiment with crayons, charcoal, chalk, pencil, etc. Make it clear that they should not mark on the stone as a part of this project or harm the stone while making their rubbing.

Transcribe the Stones
Children who have just learned to write love to show their parents how well they can do it and frequently love to copy letters from books, magazines, etc. While at the cemetery, give them a pad and pencil and have them follow you, copying the stones as best they can. You'll want to have your own notes as well, but nothing makes a child feel "big" like doing what Mom or Dad is doing. They might even critique the script of the stone ("That's not the way Mrs. Hubbard taught me to make an "e").

Date Activities
There are a variety of date-based activities that could occupy children (and your spouse). These include finding the earliest death date, the earliest birth date, the most recent birth date, the latest death date, etc. You could even ask them to see if they notice what types of stones are generally "old."

Draw a Map
Creating maps utilizes several of the children’s skills, and an extra map might come in handy later. Your child's map probably won't be the same quality as your own, but it's a good time activity. You'll probably want your own map as well, showing the location of the stones and perhaps the cemetery.

Do a Little Cleanup
It might take a little convincing, but junior might be convinced to pull the weeds around great-great-grandpa's tombstone. I've even been known to take a damp cloth and wipe off the bird droppings from my grandparents' stone. Of course, this has a higher "gross-out factor," which may or may not serve to encourage your child.

Encourage Respect
As much as possible, encourage children to respect the tombstones, flowers, and other "mourning" material at the cemetery. Make it clear that one should not jump over stones, deface them, etc. If you notice vandalism, it might even be a good time to briefly discuss how this behavior is inappropriate.

Will Someone Get Upset?
Your children may not react positively if they see graves for children, especially kids that are the same ages as them. If you choose not to discuss this beforehand, it might be good to at least think about how you would handle the situation. Obviously, some children will be more affected by this than others.

Be Careful!
It is imperative that parents watch their children while they are at a cemetery and pay extremely close attention to them. Do not assume that cemeteries are innocuous places. This is especially important with small children who may wander off and get lost. If the cemetery is adjacent to a wooded area or a cornfield, be wary, or you may soon be looking for more than tombstones

Several years ago in a cemetery near where I grew up, a child was killed by a falling tombstone. Her parents were in the cemetery looking at the graves, and she wondered off and leaned against the stone (or got too close to it) and it fell on her, resulting in her death. While the chances of such an accident are rare, one should always be careful around old stones with poor or insecure mountings.

Be careful, but have a little fun. No one said genealogy had to be entirely serious. And including your kids may encourage their eventual interest in genealogy and reduce the chance that upon your demise, your research materials reach the dump faster than you reach the cemetery!

Copyright 2000, Michael John Neill.
Michael John Neill, is the Course I Coordinator at the Genealogical Institute of Mid America (GIMA) held annually in Springfield, Illinois, and is also on the faculty of Carl Sandburg College in Galesburg, Illinois. Michael is the Web columnist for the FGS FORUM and is on the editorial board of the Illinois State Genealogical Society Quarterly. He conducts seminars and lectures on a wide variety of genealogical and computer topics and contributes to several genealogical publications, including Ancestry Magazine and Genealogical Computing. You can email him at: mneill@asc.csc.cc.il.us or visit his Web site at: http://www.rootdig.com/.