Along Those Lines . . .
Missing Opportunities with Cousins
by George G. Morgan
My family is dwindling. The recent death of one of my cousins, Billy, has shaken me out of a false sense of complacency and forced the realization that those of us who are of a certain age range are going to start dying off. This was a second cousin, a fellow with whom I played occasionally as a child when our families got together for infrequent visits. He and his brother and I were never that close because we didn't see each other that often. He was six years older and his brother just a little less than fifteen months older than I. After I left North Carolina in 1972, we were long separated with no communication.
We all met again at a large family reunion about fifteen years ago and the intervening years fell away. We became reacquainted and found we had a great deal in common. When he was diagnosed with cancer last year at age fifty-six, all of us were in shock. However, I kept in touch with him until about five months ago. At that time, his wife began responding to all of his email. It has been a long, valiant battle for him, everyone in his immediate family, and for those of us in the extended family. His loss has left a void in the lives of all those who knew and cared about him
My realization has been that there have been too many opportunities missed with many of my cousins. In "Along Those Lines . . ." this week, I want to share some personal experiences that perhaps can inspire you to reestablish contact with those distant cousins and take advantage of the opportunities that can be shared.
My Family Status
My cousin's death made me return to my genealogy database to check the family status closer and to re-verify some information.
My great-grandfather, Rainey Baines Morgan, and his wife, Caroline Alice Whitfield/Whitefield, had three sons. My grandfather (Sam) was the oldest, born in 1879; his middle son (Will) was born in 1881; and the youngest son (John Allen) was born in 1883.
My Grandfather Morgan produced a daughter (Mary Allen) and a son (Thomas or Tom). Mary Allen never married; Tom married my mother and produced two sons: my older brother and me.
His brother, my Great-uncle Will and his wife Lessie (short for Celestia) produced six children. One died at twenty-one months of age; the other five survived to adulthood. These would be my first cousins, once removed. Four of those five married and produced children, and the two youngest siblings are still living, a son and a daughter. The four married couples produced a total of eight children, all of whom would be my second cousins. It was one of these who recently died. The offspring of these children--eight in total--are my second cousins, once removed. Some of them also have children--eleven of them, making them my second cousins, twice removed.
My great-uncle, John Allen and his wife, May, had one stillborn child and then a son. The son was unfortunately mentally handicapped and was institutionalized when he was fourteen and outlived his parents by almost thirty years.
On my mother's side of the family, there are no survivors of that generation. Besides my brother and me, there are five first cousins.
I totaled up all the first cousins and, after the death of Cousin Billy, I now have fifteen surviving first cousins and eleven surviving second cousins. This is my own family 'inventory.'
Ways We Keep in Touch
I keep in touch with most of my first and some of my second cousins via email and/or telephone. My Cousin Beth is great with communicating and helping out all the family in her area, and she keeps in touch with me and other out-of-state family members. As the family genealogist and historian, I am of course the keeper of the data, and my regular communications with many, but not all, of my cousins is done by email, postal mail, and telephone.
On the Morgan side of the family, Grandfather Morgan's living descendants (my brother and me) and Great-uncle Will's descendants get together each fall for a family reunion at one of the family farms in North Carolina. Almost everyone in the family gets there, sometimes as many as 100 to 150 people, including spouses and extended family. I'm always on the prowl for new marriages, babies born in the last year, and as much family information as I can gather. However, the real purpose to be there is to celebrate family, to build new relationships, and to renew and strengthen older relationships.
On my mother's side of the family, the Weatherly descendants, we had a long-postponed reunion of five of the seven cousins in July of this year. The occasion was a surprise fiftieth birthday celebration for the wife of one of my cousins--and a surprise sixtieth commemoration for his older sister. We flew to Buffalo, New York, and had our celebrations in Colden and in Hamburg (a surprise party of more than 100 people!). Not only did we have a wonderful time, but we are already planning Thanksgiving at his sister's house in coastal Georgia.
I'm a big one for writing short letters to my cousins in which I've been know to enclose family group sheets, pedigree charts, copies of documents I've found, and photocopies of pages from books, journals, newsletters, and other periodicals that contain information on our family history. I always enclose a SASE and ask for additions and corrections.
Procrasti-"lation"
I invented the term "procrastilation," which I define in a genealogical context as waiting too long to do something. This particularly applies to making contact with family members to interview them, update your family information, and determine if they are in possession of family bibles, heirlooms, and documents that might be helpful. I think we are all guilty of "procrastilation" for any number of reasons. Perhaps we have completely lost touch with relatives, don't know where they are, and have no way to locate them. In other cases, we lead such busy lives that we need to make or schedule the time to make contact and build or rebuild those relationships. It's a matter of commitment.
Where Do We Go from Here?
Family is forever, as I always say, although I recognize that it is a dynamic, changing thing. As the family genealogist, I really should be in touch with all of the cousins, of all ages, at more than just our family reunions. My cousin's death has strengthened my resolve to make the personal commitment to do a better job of this.
What about you? Do you need to make a similar commitment before it's too late to make that contact and establish those relationships with your family members? Maybe your own Cousin Billy has lots to share with you before he's gone and your opportunity is lost. You'll never know unless you take that first step to reconnect.
Happy Communicating!
George
George is president and a proud member of the International Society of Family History Writers and Editors, a director of the Genealogical Speakers Guild, and a director of the Florida Genealogical Society (Tampa).
George will be presenting at the Federation of Genealogical Societies Conference in Salt Lake City on 7-9 September 2005. Visit the FGS website at www.fgs.org for details about and registration for their upcoming conference.
George will be speaking at the Florida Genealogical Society (Tampa) conference on 17 September 2005. Visit their website at www.rootsweb.com/~flfgs for details about and registration for their upcoming conference.
George will be speaking at the Suncoast Genealogical Society meeting at the Palm Harbor, Florida, Public Library on 26 September 2005.
Visit George's Website at http://ahaseminars.com/atl for information about speaking engagements.
Copyright 2005, MyFamily.com. All rights reserved.
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