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"Along Those Lines ..."
by George G. Morgan
Click Here for George Morgan's Archive
| Family Secrets -- July 10, 1998 |
Do you have a relative who won't share some or all the information you'd like to know? When you start talking about family, does he or she clam up? You want to be sensitive to the feelings of others, and not force the discussion of what might be a painful or unpleasant topic. Let's face it. There are some things that you may never know. We often joke about "skeletons in the closet" or about the "black sheep" in the family. Have you considered what secrets there are in your own family? This week in "Along Those Lines ...", I will share three of my family's secrets that changed people's lives. Secret # 1 - Great Uncle Brisco HOLDER My mother's mother was a HOLDER, Elizabeth HOLDER by name. She was the twelfth and last child in her family. There were six sons and six daughters in the family, all of whom were born in Floyd County, GA, near the town of Rome. The fifth son in the family and the eighth child in sequence, born in 1879, was Brisco HOLDER. According to family tradition, he was a headstrong and rebellious child, always getting into fights with his siblings and other children. In an era of stern Victorian values, he was a handful for his parents. In 1901, at the age of about 22, Brisco came home late one evening. His mother heard him come in and went downstairs to see if he was all right. He was drunk and became abusive when challenged. The story is that he struck his mother. His father confronted him and told him to clear out -- there was no excuse for his action and his behavior was no longer going to be tolerated. The next morning, the family awoke to find Brisco gone. Everyone -- friends and family -- were told that he had left a note saying he was headed to Chicago to make his fortune. Family members were forbidden to speak his name again. Despite the circumstances, Brisco's mother (my great-grandmother) grieved for him until she died in 1914, and she never heard a word from him again. Brisco had been the favorite brother of one of his sisters, Emma Dale, and it was she who was notified of his death in the mid-1920's. All she could do was send money for his burial in a cheap grave in Ohio. She also grieved for him all her life, and deeply regretted that she had not been able to raise the money to bring his body home for burial. Secret # 2 - One Couple; Two Weddings My parents' wedding anniversary was 24 January 1933. Or so I thought. In the early 1990's, my mother finally told me that she and my father were married twice-- once on 15 January 1931 in VA and the second time in 1933 in NC. It seems they eloped in 1931 without telling anyone except one of my mother's three sisters. The secret was safe for over a year, and then there was a slip. The secret was revealed and my mother's father was furious. He immediately demanded that the couple be married again in the church, and scheduled the wedding himself. He ordered the invitations, selected the music, ordered the flowers, and arranged for the minister. The wedding took place on schedule. Up until the time the secret came out, my mother had been her father's favorite child. He considered the earlier elopement a terrible violation of trust, and he never treated her the same afterward. She was broken hearted at the loss of the special relationship with her father. Secret # 3 - The "Supervisor" In the 1830's, one of my ancestors, a Goddlow Warren MORGAN, left home in North Carolina seeking employment. After some time, he found himself employed as an overseer on a rice plantation in South Carolina. When he wrote home in January of 1835 with news of his new job, his father was appalled. The father was, you see, antislavery and did not want anyone to know about his son's position as an overseer. He always told the family that Warren was a "supervisor" in Charleston. He was ashamed of his son and forbade him to come home. Sadly, as a result, the father never met Warren's wife. Nor did he ever meet his six grandchildren. There was a family rift that never healed and the father Reuben died in 1866 without having seen his son in 30 years. Other People's Secrets I have genealogist friends who have uncovered certain family secrets. One calls them "unsavory characters" or "unfortunate incidents." Another friend revels in the fact and howls with laughter when she recounts that her grandmother was a "hostess" [read: prostitute] in Chicago at the turn of the century. Essentially, one person's shame may be another's pride. Consider the secrets that members of your family may guard, and the effect that a secret may have had. Perhaps a single incident caused your ancestor to relocate as Brisco HOLDER did, changing the structure of the family unit and causing heartbreak and pain. Perhaps an incident similar to my parents' elopement changed a key relationship between family members. And perhaps some political or ideological difference of opinion, like that between Warren MORGAN and his father caused a schism that forever changed the course of your family's history. The next time you try to coax a family member to share with you all they know, please keep in mind the three true stories I've shared with you here. Perhaps the memories are too painful to recall, much less to share. Maybe they are too embarrassing on a personal or family level. Sometimes these stories are best left to go to the grave untold. Don't force the issue. Just respect your relative's right to privacy. Happy hunting! George Click Here for George Morgan's Archive
Copyright 1998 George G. Morgan All Rights reserved "Along Those Lines ..." is a weekly feature of the Genealogy Forum on America Online (Keyword: ROOTS). This column originally appeared in the Genealogy Forum on America Online. You may send E-mail alonglines@aol.com. George Morgan would like
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