How many times have you said to yourself, "Gee, I wish Aunt Mary Allen was still alive! She knew just about everything about the family."

When I began working on our family tree, I was fortunate enough to have some relatives to ask questions of on my father's side of the family. My mother's side was a different story. And I've been searching for answers ever since.

In "Along Those Lines ..." this week, I want to discuss how to interview people. You never know who has that missing piece of information. It might be a relative or a friend or someone completely unrelated.

You may remember in my January 30th column, Ancestral Tales, that I mentioned stories I'd heard from my Aunt Penelope and my Cousin Penny. (I love the story about the crabs on the train!) Well, these stories came to me as a result of asking questions.

Over the years, I've learned not to dread family visits as some people do. Rather, I've looked at them as opportunities to ask questions and to learn more about the family. As a result, not only have I learned a great deal, I have become closer to my relatives.

Two weeks ago I made a call to my first cousin, once removed, in Atlanta. He's in his seventies. My Aunt Penelope had told me to contact him. She said that he'd been doing research on his father's and my mother's father's WEATHERLY line. I hadn't spoken to this man since I was a very small child. He was so enthusiastic to hear from me. He went out of his way to share information with me and has promised to make copies of everything for me! AND ... it turns out that his son is also interested in the family genealogy and is busy working with his father to input everything (including source citations) into their Family Tree Maker. I have the son's telephone number and found his E-mail address on AOL. He's next on my list to call.

A few years ago I received a Christmas card from one of my mother's friends. My mother had died the year before. The card was unexpected, and so I decided to call the woman to thank her for remembering me. As we talked, she began telling me things about my parents that I didn't know. In the space of thirty minutes, I had new information to research about my mother. I also had some new stories to add to the family tradition.

Most people think of an interview as a formal occasion, one where one person asks the questions and the other answers them. Some people perceive an interview to be like a courtroom cross-examination. It doesn't have to be that way. It can be a casual five-minute conversation or it can be a half-hour Q&A session or it can be a questionnaire.

When I speak casually with relatives, either in person or by phone, genealogy is always at the back of my mind. I try very hard not to rush it, but invariably I'll ask a question or two. The idea is to get more than a "Yes" or "No" answer. I make the questions open-ended so that the person has to think and frame an answer. Hopefully I get new information but, if not, I've still learned more about something I knew or heard it told a different way. I learned this technique, I'm sure, as a child when I spent time with my Grandmother Morgan and my Aunt Mary Allen. For me, a really great evening began with my question, "Will you tell me about when you were a little girl?" And what wonderful tales I heard!

No matter how you approach an interview, you must keep the other person's level of comfort in mind at all times. If you plan to interview an older relative, short is better. Remember, an interview doesn't have to be a one-time affair; you can arrange to meet several or many times. If you're interviewing a relative, you both have good reasons for visiting with one another often.

Here are some guidelines for any interview:

1) BE PREPARED! Do your research in advance and make sure you're talking with the right person.

2) Make a list of the questions you want answered or the things that you want more information about. You cannot get all your questions asked at once. Often, too, the answers you get during one interview will cause you to conduct more research. Then, you'll have other, different questions the next time.

3) Use open-ended questions that require some elaboration. "Yes" and "No" don't take your research very far.

4) Schedule your interview for a specific time. Perhaps you will call your Uncle Ed and ask if you can talk with him for an hour about family history. Tell him that you have some questions, but tell him you'd also like to hear anything he'd like to share.

5) Stick to the schedule when you conduct the interview. Older people tire more quickly than younger ones. Watch for signs of this and offer to come back another time.

6) Take notes. Ask for clarification by saying things like, "Can you tell me more about that?" or "That's something I'd like to know more about."

7) Tape recorders are great, but they make some people very self-conscious. Be sure you have permission to tape an interview. If there's any reluctance, back off. The presence of an unwanted tape recorder may backfire in your face and you won't get anywhere near the amount of information you might have without one. If you do have permission, be sure you have an extra set of fresh batteries and extra cassettes just in case you need them.

8) Camcorders are similar to audio tape recorders, but they tend to make the subject extremely nervous. They are very distracting. Barbara Walters and a movie star are one thing; you and Grandma Nelly are a different matter.

9) Don't force an issue. If there's a reluctance or some sensitivity to answering a question, back off. Some memories can be very painful to discuss. Leave them alone.

10) When the interview is complete, be sure and say Thank You! Also ask if you can call or visit again, perhaps to clarify any items discussed during this interview or to discuss new items. Allow some time between sessions. The interview should be a pleasurable experience and not a burden on someone's time.

The first rule of a telephone interview is "Do it with your nickel". You should initiate the call and you pay for it. The second rule is to schedule the interview in advance if it's going to last for more than 15 minutes or so. It's rude to assume that someone has a lot of free time to be interviewed, and they may want to prepare themselves.

It's more difficult to interview someone by phone. First, you don't have the visual and body language clues to tell you if someone is uncomfortable with a question. It's more difficult to judge whether they're becoming tired or impatient. Be sure and ask occasionally, "Is it okay for us to continue?"

If you're not going to conduct a "formal" type of interview by phone, perhaps you just have a few questions to ask. In that case, a 15-minute phone conversation may be ideal. Start with some pleasantries as always. Make your "interview" conversational. Sometimes I'll say something like, "I ran across a picture of Uncle Jack the other day. Can you tell me when and where he was married?" This usually sparks some conversation. You can then follow up with the question you really needed answered most: "Do you recall what Aunt May's maiden name was?" If you're lucky, you'll get the information you need. If not, it's okay to ask, "Gee, this is something I'm really interested in. Do you know someone else who might know the answer?" Perhaps you'll get a referral.

Sometimes, when it's impossible to conduct a one-on-one interview in person or by phone, you may want to resort to a written interview. This is done by questionnaire. Considered highly impersonal, response rates to questionnaires is normally low. However, you can structure a written interview for a high success rate by investing some time and using a few simple steps.

1) Include a personally addressed cover letter. Never use "To Whom It May Concern". Explain that you're trying to verify information and obtain new information. Offer to share your findings with the person, and be prepared to do so. Be sincere and say "Thank You" at the end of the letter.

2) Include a pedigree chart and/or family group sheets and ask for corrections and additional information. Ask for verification such as copies of documents or some other means of corroboration.

3) Include a written list of no more than 20 questions that can be easily answered. Make them open-ended if necessary, such as "What was the birthdate of Jane Bain ALEXANDER?" Allow space for any written elaboration. Ask, "Do you have any records that confirm this? If not, do you know the name and address of someone who does?"

4) Enclose received a response, take the time to write a sincere thank you letter. You may w a self-addressed stamped envelope (SASE). This encourages the person to respond.

5) After you'veant to go back to this person again, and the small investment of a thank you letter pays many dividends.

Note: Don't forget that you can also send a questionnaire by E-mail. The drawback, however, is that it takes more effort to send pedigree charts and family group sheets. And some people won't receive files of any sort for fear of viruses.

I encourage you to contact everyone in your family. Parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, and in-laws. And don't ignore the people of your own generation and younger. It's possible that they, too, asked the question, "What was it like when you were little?" They may have the answer that you need!

Happy hunting!